sugarcookiebitch

by exercise i jut mean lik 30 minute routine or like a quick gut reliever
especially th gut relieving as of right now as im typing this
because i have been eating crazy the past 2 weeks
my mom takes us to 7/11 2 tims a week and i get 3 musubis rverytime
and ive been eating lots of chips and high processed/fries food ermmm
so obviously id gain weight(5 pounds AHHHH) 
been jut dong JJs, squats, stomach/glutes(for gut relieving aaa), and this squat hopping from the other side of my house and back 2 times(got this from umamusume), and like knee runs(but in the way of that dude that runs very slowly with "whereu go i go" song), and running in place to umamusume

blerggg healthy body healthy mind
im not going to be body dysmorphic again
time for healthy but DELICIOUS sncks because eating healthy doesnt have to taste like eating unwashed tree leaves

blergggg

im desperate of one-on-one time with my friends bht i dont wanna pester them
and even when i do ask them to hang out theyre always busy or hanging out with their other friends
urghhh
texting is nice but in person stuff is comforting even if we dont have anything to talk about or ahatever

this is mainly about my friend who i have a crush
blergggg please hang out with me

rots at home
ive been thinking of made up conversations in my head
and sometimes i make huffs when i do
please i am having withdrawls i finally have my "I care" back please think about me i think abiut you guys a lot

thinking to post on active sites or commhnities whatever idk to get attention(not in that problematic egirl way)
id love to be active on posting, just not for this reason
posting because my friends arent free which leads to me craving attention which will spiral into HEAVILY relying on people on the internet for comfort(Like hikkikomori level shit)
VS
posting because i want to get my stuff out there for people to see and i appreciate the attention im getting, but i wont frantically yearn for the internet!!!
i dont know how to word the 2nd examplr without it sounding the same but pls get the point

online friends are cool
but i want to be with my irl friends
please think of me and reach out first
j dont want to be a pain and i always reach out first
please text me and come up to me

yes strong friendships dont always have eachother hanging out or talking a lot
but it feels like forever since ive had a strong connecting hangout, not just a simple one
all my recent hangouts were just divided attention becaue there were multiple people or a boyfriend

sigh makes me sound entitled but ifykyk

 last night i was replicating sum 41(dave and stevo) pictures on ibis paint for ap drawing; i was doing a value and pose/expressions practice
dave's was a lot of fun and more satisfying for me, because hes dark, so the lighting on him makes it stand out more which helps a lot for me

and then my friend randomly called me because he just didnt have anyone to talk to and then told me that its very high tide at the beatch, so he couldnt smoke where he wanted to anymore, and anywhere he walked to had people or homeless camps everywhere
yaddayadda he mentioned like i havent eaten in 3 days
so those combined i was thinking hey im also bored
"do you want some fried chicken" "ARE YOU DEADASS"
i also said i'll give him these 1 month bag of chips, anda tootsiie roll lolipop
i shared my location with him and then he went to his house to change shoes and get his skateboard to come over

he came over and then i gave him the food and we just hung out and talked whatever on the bench on my porch
anytime i kept getting stuff to give him or to throw away the plate, i knockd on the window and door lol
we were talking PROFANOUS!!!!! and i was like "oh yeah we have a ring camera"
and then we just moved to the side of my house
and then hhe was like "u dont have cameras around your house do u" "no" "i'll let you hit my cart"
grrr i would wanna try it out but the ACT is tomorrow AHHHHH and if i go back inside my parents will bma!!!!
we stayed ther efor a couple of minutes agaain talking whatever and then i got bored and was like "lets og to the park!"(playground)(the one very close to my house)

i was wearing a loose ptv shirt and shorts so it was cold as hell and he gave me his jacket which was like big on both of us, but a obviously more bigger on me
i was wearing flip flops and when we were walking i tripped on them like twice bruh
again we just hung out at the park but there was also this abandoned bike?
i was laying down on the grass and he was on those ladders

againagain i got bored and was like "lets walk around"
but i was also gonna use it as an excuse to say like "actually im gonna go home im tried" + the ACT was tomorrow AHHHHHH
but then my mom texted 'where are you' 'whyd you leave without telling me or dad' 'its a school night'
oh well thanks mom i dont need to say waht i wanted now lollll
'who are you with'

we splitted by the hill on my block
i was walking to my house and saw my kitchen light on and then turned off when i got closer(think my mom was watching through the holes in the tiny holes of our window privacy decal) hell noo!!!!! dont bma
when i got home she just asked who this guy was and i just told her its the friend im going to the PTV concert with
then she was like "was it just you guys?" "yes" "oh god please dont do that ever again"(implying we were doing SEXUAL activiities but i woiuld never cuz he is a hopperrr lol jk but still)
atleast i didnt hit his cart and i was nearby the house!